6 Ways to Be a Better Friend
This summer I went through a lot of transitions with friendships. I had many blossom into strong friendships and others fizzle out. If anything it has made me take a hard look at the friendships I have and what type of friend I am. It’s taught me six lessons on how to be a better friend.
1) Call not text
I swear on my life that some of my friendships were saved and improved by picking up the phone and pressing dial. Actually talking to a friend after work or on the weekend instead of a “how are you” text made such a difference. We could talk more in-depth and really hear how each other was doing. I now try and call at least one or two friends per week.
2) Learn their love language
Some of the tension in some of my friendships was the fact that we had different ways of showing love. I’m a words of affirmation person but most of my friends are gifts or quality time. Shifting to understand their love language and show I care through that made such a difference.
3) Stop labeling
I used to designate friends as best friends, good friends, etc. It wasn’t until I listened to Jordan Lee Dooley's podcast that I realized how harmful that was. It’s not fair to label friendships and honestly it just hurt me in the end. If I labeled someone a best friend and they didn’t return that label, I would get heartbroken and I realized I did the same to others. Each friendship is as different as the person you share it with so why categorize them? Accepting all friendships as good friends has really helped me find peace in all the stages of my friendships.
4) Friendship dates
I’m sure we’ve all seen the meme where one friend is free MWF and the other is free TTH. The realities of adulthood. To avoid having to go back and forth and end up never seeing each other, my friends and I made friendship dates, both those in-person and my long distance friendship FaceTime dates. Having designated time like every Wednesday per month guarantees I will see them and gives us something to look forward to.
5) Don’t be controlling
I used to get so jealous if a best friend would hang out with another best friend. If they would invite someone else to something we talked about or if I felt like someone was being chosen over me. Going off the stop labeling point, I realized I needed to stop being so controlling over friendships. I have so many friendships and I can’t expect to be the only person in someone’s life (obvi). I needed to put down my insecurities and cheer for my friends in all aspects of life. Sounds like a no brainer but honestly this one took a lot of internal work.
6) Tell honest feedback
This one is a toughy because you want to show your friend love and support, but sometimes it’s not beneficial to sit there and only give encouraging feedback, even if you think there’s a concern to be shared. As a friend, it’s your duty to be the voice of reason and express concern when you think a friend is exhibiting negative behaviors or about to make a difficult decision. This feedback shouldn’t be biased or rooted in jealousy, but constructive criticism for the best of your friend. Be gentle, give feedback and then let them decide what to with it.
Friendship is one of the strongest bonds on earth and so important to properly nurture. I’m so grateful for where my friendships stand, both those strong bonds and those that served a purpose for some time but have fizzled out. They’re all important and deserve all the recognition.